...

Life is ridiculously unsatisfying. Nothing seems to mean shit, everything is bland and empty and boring. Once again i find myself filling a hole, an impossibly massive pit, with tiny junk. When the one thing that made you happy, kept you sane, and gave life some direction is suddenly gone...

Its tough going back to rice cakes.

And you know what sucks? The fucking radio. I've heard "love song" by The Cure in too many turkey hills since the day we ended. After this emotional skirmish, its even more prominent. It goes something like this:


Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you


And the thing that really sucks is that i do. It doesn't go away. No matter what you do, and trust me, i tried. Hence, the current situation.

She says she still wants me in her life...

*sigh*

Love sucks. sucks. sucks.

And fuck anyone who says i never loved her, or i don't. fuck you. No one has said it yet, at least to me, but fuck you if you did. People who love are capable of fucking up, perhaps simply because they are.

So, once again i stand outside the operation room, waiting for the thing i hit with a car to come out.