Lets discuss depression for a bit, shall we? What is it? Well, more specificly, what is it to me and why is it my most consistant state of mind?



Let us start this with a questinaire. Simply answer yes or no to the following.


Do you ever...

1. Wake up and stare at the ceiling/wall/window/clock knowing you have a perfectly normal day ahead of you, and as a result feel completely empty?

2. Go to sleep at night only after overanalyzing some random event or statement?

3. Attempt to convince yourself that life is fine, and you're just dramatizing everything without due cause?

4. Have trouble defining the source of your emptiness, although you know you're skirting all the reasons that are most obvious?

5. Feel totally releived by one simple act or word, only to second guess it later?

6. Spend an entire day acting happy and content, only to go home and do nothing constructive at all and let the day die behind you?

7. Seek advice or someone to talk to, subsequently find someone, and then come to the conclusion that it is pointless to get advice or talk to anyone and avoid the conversation?

8. Actually convince yourself you are happy?

9. Think and think and think until you've thought to the point of silence in your head?

10. Find yourself in a group of people when you suddenly feel completely distant, seperated from everyone and everything going on around you, yet you are still offering token responses to converstaion and smiling?




As a generalization, those are a very few of the things i experiance on a regular basis. Also, i become quite the prolific blog poster when i'm depressed.


ok, enough bullshit relation crap...



I feel... empty. thats the only word for it. I do all sorts of things, but i feel empty. I work, i go out and hang around with people, i surf the net, i read my e-mail, i sleep, i listen to music, etc etc. Despite all of this however, i still go to sleep at night intending to sleep as far into the next day as possible. Why wake up? I'll just have to survive the status quo all over again...


I'm completely uninspired. As an artist, i need inspiration to create works of art. As a human being, or maybe just as myself, i need inspiration to live each day in happiness and with purpose. I do not have this inspiration. I have no desire to meet anyone's expectaions, and i have no real direction.

No reason.