All my life i have been driven by my friends and family to become something. All my life, i have been bombarded with the words "Potential" and "responsibility".

All of the things they consider success i place no value in. I do not care for a great job, or lots of money, or an amazing home to live in, or an education.


The one thing i truly care about, my only real goal, died in me tonight. I've realized that i am incapable of becoming who i want to become. I've failed at each attempt, and i've only served to hurt and disappoint those i aspire to care for and live up to.


I wish i knew where to go from nowhere... i wish i had a goal, a reason to continue this stupid lie of mine. But i don't.


I could become successful in the eyes of everyone...

but myself.


Because no matter what i do, i fall short. I always fall short. I always make that one mistake that cannot be forgiven, that cannot be fixed.


And i'm tired of trying.



But when you see me, i'll smile. And when you laugh, i'll laugh. And when i'm with you, we'll have a good time. And my mask will stay clean and in-tact. I make the best masks. They work beautifully.


If only i had some deep, terrible problems or inner turmoils. If only i had some sort of excuse for being as pathetic as i am. If only it was more than my just being completely ignorant. I wish it were more complex, but its not.


I am quite simply an idiot.