*walks in grumbling*

At least my original or well taken ideas can provide launch pads for imitation.

hey all. this is Kyle, Joe's twin and more importantly, the outlet for his rage.

I am the reason that Lititz is even still on the map.


Anyways, I'll be posting here occasionally, so make sure to check and see who it is that wrote the blog entry.

(a reply to a related post on kyle hoffmanns blog, located at http://nuformz.blogspot.com/)


Kyle is right. People suck. Not all people, just the ones i've met i'm sure.

With the exception of kyle, who's itoa of non-suckiness and sync with my brain relieve him of the total suck.

In the words of my favorite song:

I
Broke the silence
I
Rose the volume
Hunted the hunters and nobody cared

I
Lost relation to
Where
I stand
I hope the ceiling is breakable

Hello again, so soon. Yes, now, lets see...


I bought for xmas my dear father a 250watt dolby everyfuckinthing surround sound system and DVD player by Samsung. Needless to say, it kicks ass and then lights that aforementioned ass on fire. Just with the sub. imagine what the five satillites will do to you. FROM ALL AROUND YOU. ITS SuRoUnD SoUnD.


wow that looks incredibly retarded.

oh well.

Anyway, on a note more "me" and less "everyone else", i am a mere 140 pageviews away from 10,000 on my deviantart page. wow. Now if i can pump out 22 more deviations in that time, i'll have 200 deviations adn 10,000 pageviews, along with a crapload of other stats, including a respectable 7.8k shout count.

wow.

i am almost semi good.

If you want to help get me to 10k pageviews on my DA page, just send this link to every human being you know and tell them either A. when they click it, they get candy or B. its good art and they should check it out.

s1dc.deviantart.com

Alright, my blog ate my last long post so here we go again.

for xmas, i got the following (at least)


Ramington Fine Screen Electric
Surround Sound system (dolby digital 5.1-6.1)
Dance Dance Revolution Ultramix w/ dancepad for Xbox
Deus Ex Invisible War
Portishead Album (the CD to which i freakin lost already)
CD player w/ headphones (yippee)
Black Socks (needed those)
Black Ribbed Sweater
Black Ribbed Turtleneck
Black Polos


Oh yeah, and then i went out and bought myself a $300 leather straight trench (sale for $200 thank god). Photos soon i swear!

Because my bro got a digital camera, and now i can take some photos to stick on here, damnit.


merry materitalistc day! i mean xmas!

*test*

ODE TO KYLE
Much overdue.


Kyle Hoffmann is a young man living in PA with his two parents and three siblings, two sisters and a brother all younger. When i met him he was a hip-hop enthusiast and pretty rough around the edges, always looking for something outrageous to do. Kyle has changed alot since i met him, though he is still nuts (which i am sure i contribute to). After one day becoming turned on to graphic design during a visit to my house, kyle began a journy into a talent he didn't know he had. He was a wicked artist, and quickly began work on well executed material. One if the fastest growing artists i know, his work parallels my own in many respects in only a mere three years. Constantly growing more talented, Kyle is sure to become an even more brilliant and insightful artist.

Kyle is not just a fun kid who happens ti be artistic. Kyle is the best companion i could have ever asked for. During our three years of friendship, i have seen kyle in every state imaginable, as he has seen I. Through all of this we fought, we cared, we talked, we beat each other up, we just loved each other like freaking crazy. He was, and is, like a brother to me. He is no less my brother than my own blood is.

My life is not pretty, and i am plenty messed up myself. But despite all of this, kyle stands beside me. We argue and fight, but only because we care about each other and get angry when we see mistakes or shortcomings. We press each other to move on. To live.

Without Kyle i am alone, he is the one true thing i have.

This ode is much shorter than it could be. I could go on for a long time about how this guy saved my butt or was just plain there for me.

Thanks Kyle. You really are... the best. absolutely. thanks.



(forgive my spelling errors, i don't proofread. Nope, not even heartfelt shit. heh.)

THE DEADLY WORLD OUT THERE
and how to protect yourself
by Joe Schell


Its a deadly deadly world out there. You never know when you'll be attacked by rabid flaming ninjas who's soul desire is to remove the fingernails from your hands with kamas made from their previous victims finger shields.

Sometime in the near future you too might be found fighting off the forces of evil, but what with? Will you defiantly pick up your remote and hurl it accross the room? Or perhaps lift the monitor from the desk at which you sit and launch it into your assailant? We need weapons my friends! Weapons with which to fight off the giant santa demon clones from norway!


Headphones are effective weapons against such things as psychopathic cricket players and martha stewart monk zombies. By using them like a grappling hook, one can lodge the headset firmly into the soft reanimated tissues of cricket players and zombies alike.

A good old fashioned pencil will kill many a variety of flaming animal dropping beasts, as well as almost every single prozac abusing high school student. This weapon will not work on any form of deridgible lawyer or conservative menonite satanist.

When one is faced by the errant out of work pop star, the most effective weapon is without a doubt the dreaded afidavitt. With one of these you can do just about anything, and errant out of work pop stars as well as US senators will flee at the sight of them, and even spontaneously combust upon contact.

Also in this league one can find such evil creatures as mall goths and high school cheerleading wannabe slutbags. Most cheerleading squads contain absolutely no actual sluts, just "slutbags", or potential sluts who need to A. lose weight or B. steal some from someone else. The "bag" addtion also describes the extra effort required to kill, erm, stop them. This weapon is called "Antidepressant weight loss energy steroid ginko biloba pill", otherwise known as "Femagra", which was invented by a group of scientists capitolizing on the feminazi occupation of america. Femagra will instantly immobilize and stupify just about everything with breasts, including some fat men.

Fat Man in Small Car is an increasing problem in today's world. In addition to large doses of Femagra, one might want to try Billy Joel or Spice Girl CDs. Thier ear-split factor is so immense that they could possibly shatter the protective layer of fat surrounding the meaty insides of the obese predator.

If you are feeling particularly threatened and require massive firepower, there is only one effective weapon in the arsenal of the safe citizen. Punk Rock. After aquiring some earplugs and level A3i ballistic armor, simply place a Punk Rock (or Emo, or Ska) CD into a portable CD player. Actually playing music from the CD device is not needed, as the mere reading of the information on the surface of the disc sends out huge amounts of debris we like to call "anti-talent particles" or "Death Beams". Only use headphones in the event you must clear a stadium sized area of evil vermin. Set it to a timer and run like hell for the most effective results. In the event that saddam husein breaks out of US custody and re-establishes his reign somewhere (like canada), stereo equipment is... well its definitely overkill but he's saddam for god's sake, so we might as well turn him and his candy ass army into mushy goo.

And that stereo will do it, too.

went shopping for my dad and mom again. This time, with my brothers money :)


IF THIS IS FAMILY! LOOK AWAY! although i have no idea what you're doing in here.


Highlight the following to see it just in case the retards are here:

For my dad:
From me, a DVD player and dolby digital 5.1 surround sound system.
From andrew, three dvds. The Matrix, Star Trek V, and Enemy at the Gates

For my mom:
A smoothie machine and a health book. yay.

For my Brother andrew:
Tony hawk UG and the Eye Toy camera.


i spent WAAAy too much $$$ on this stuff. more than $425, and 350 of that was actually mine :P


woo. xmas.

and again.

more changes.

Some changes have been made to the blog. woo.

My world is coming to an end. All i do is play dance dance. i love it. i suck at it, but i love it. I can get better scores than louis and his sister can, and i can even survive an entire normal round instead of the light mode now, but its HARD DAMNIT!

it absorbs me. i love it. but i get tired when i play, and then i have to stop and sit here for a while.

we have a giant fan turned onto the dance pad so people won't pass out.


I WANT THIS GAME.


I WANT IT!


louis does the same song over and over. I think it may be getting to him. He has a broken toe and he still plays. its like a drug.

I will die if i don't get this game.... *drool*

NOTE TO KYLE:

About the birth control, my preference is "daterape" pills. Knock them out and THEN have sex with them, then walk off before they wake up :)


ok, kidding. kidding.



geez.

MY NEW FAVORITE THING

DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION FOR XBOX

my friend louis bought it for his sister. You get a dance pad that unrolls onto the floor, and some music to go with it. You have to buy more music if you want it, but it comes with plenty. Now here's the deal, this pad has four directions printed onto it, along with the basic xbox controls in the four corners. On the top is where they stick start and back. Then you just start up a game. You have to land your foot on an arrow on the pad while the corrosponding arrow is on the screen. As the arrows move up the screen, you have to hit them in the pattern they arise.

its freaking impossible.

i love it.

after about an hour of playing i managed to get a "C" ranking, where A is the highest and E is the lowest. (abcde).

So for 70 bucks you have instant fun.

i want it, and WILL have it in a few days.

*drool*


Here is a screenshot of what the game looks like on the screen

Alright, here is my random thought for today.


I am my own reciprocate. I am both ultimately good and ultimately evil. Both of the traits being unattainable, i have to exist within the boundries these elements create. Contained throughout this mentality resides a simple lexicon of thoughts and feelings which contribute to who i am. However, for whatever i am i also am equally not, and that not resides within me as well, it is simply not manifest. So through an alternate manifestation i am my reciprocate, while my essence remains within the original stated confines, these being ultimate good and ultimate evil.

So what am i in the end? Well to define who i am would require me to be objective, which is impossible from within the confines of UG and UE. Therefore, the only person capable of measuring my traits in leigh of good or evil would have to be an extreme from without this whole system, aka God or Satan.

Man that sure is one massive random thought.

Weekend. I rented "Gunmetal".

Cool so far.

Uh... what else... not much. Boring life.


Might go see LOTR sat. We'll see.


Ok. off i go.

Yes so now that i am done venting all of that, lemme move on to some more important things. Mostly things like christmas.


Yes, xmas. we all love it or hate it, or love to hate the love the hate of it. or something. Whatever the case, we need to keep one thing in mind, the true meaning of xmas.

NOTHING!

zip! zilch! nada!

For those who are in-the-biblical-know, you are aware the christ was born somewhere more around november or october, some people speculate as late as august. but december? Very few historians see this as being the actual month of christs birth. what does this mean>


xmas is about santa! and what is santa about? stuff! santa is the god of material! yes folks, we love xmas because we love stuff. we love to get things we will not buy ourselves. let other people *gasp* buy it for you!

i love this idea almost as much as i love the actual event of getting stuff. Although that is great, i do also love buying stuff for people. Its the best. Buying things for other people, especially something they want and benefits me, is great.


This year i asked for very little. Some music, some violent video games, and thats about it. Nothing too special. I also managed to throw in some weird stuff like some crazy 20" tall strapped boots and whatnot, but just for kicks. no pun intended.


anyway, the true meaning of xmas is stuff without a doubt. Waking up to tons of wrapped treasures for my greedy little self is and always will be why i wake up at all. If it were just christs birthday, i would probably view it like i view easter. Kinda... well not really at all. Who cares about easter? and who named it that? Christ dies, so lets call that day, uh, easter! retards. When i die, i think i'll call it LOZENGER for kicks and see who celebrates.

good for you, ash. have fun being bruised and whatnot.


I wish that was all i had to deal with.



are we done now?

I just told my mom about the bridge-death thing. halfway through she goes:

You should just bribe them both and see who pays off.


heh, funny mom.

THIS JUST IN:

Cate is on my list of "saveable people"

woo! now i'm getting yelled at in my own freaking blog!


gotta love it!

and man that didn't take long either. i just reinstated the thing and i wake up the next morning to see ash blowing holes into it. erm, trying to blow holes in it.


You see, Ash easily is offended. So easily in fact, that she wrote out a whole paragraph about... well whatever it was about and eventually concluded that we hate each other.

or something.

anyway, this is perfectly fine with me. I did mention somewhere in my last series of junk that i hate life. Well, thats because it sucks, and i hate that music because it sucks, and the people because 90% of them suck. Ash doesn't really know how to deal with someone who's got a life which involves bigger complications than thier "social life" and thier school related, ahem, "bullshit".


I've had some pretty shitty times as of late there ash, and where the fuck were you? no where. Alot of people were no where. So i stuck with THE ONE PERSON AROUND HERE WHO GAVE A FUCK ABOUT IF I DIE OR NOT. And thats Kyle.


And when kyle wasn't there, i had Rachel constantly. Without her, i would have gone berserk. She doesn't live around here, but she helped me more than anyone from here ever could. I explained to her that i am a jerk and how much i suck and that she shouldn't waste her time, yet she still is there for me. Despite the swearing, heh.


and so is kyle.

But ash couldn't stand to get hurt even ONCE. not ONCE. and no i don't mean little tiny pokes of hurt here and there, like not going to the library. I have a life outside of my friendship (aforementioned freindship? eh...) with you, alright? most of which is too much for you to wrap your naive little head around.


So thats what i think in a nutshell, dear ash. Don't quote me though- i type real fast and i don't go back and check what i wrote. Namely because its my god damn blog and i can type what i want and change it later if i feel like it.

Wow, that took like ten minutes to spew out there... hmm... too much though went into that.

lets see. lemme make this EVEN SHORTER.

A. = Life Sucks
B. = Kyle
C. = Ash
D. = Rachel
E. = emo/punk/general bad music
F. = Family problems
G. = Personal problems


A is A because of F, G, and some E. a=f+g+e

so in order to balance my equation, i stuff something to help in there. Or rather, they stuff themselves: (b+d)a=f+g+e

Which therefore destroys two of the sucki-life elements like so: (b+d)a=e

So we get a new element called "non-suck" or N (they use this element in all of the music i listen to as well) b+d=n-e

But we still have emo/punk/general bad music in there, and i know exactly what to use to get rid of that: M+b+d=n-e

(M being MASSIVE ATTACK or maybe PORTISHEAD, or perhaps the royal guard or something)

And in the end we are left with M+b+d=n

yay!

but wait

a variable was never used.

C

And thats you ash. you just never showed up or knew what to do when you were here. So you were not on my list of people who i would save from the bridge. Although i might toss you a punk album to listen to while you hung there.



don't forget everyone that i have the flu and really really hate things even more than normal. So don't get too offended by my massive evil rants. Since after all, why should i be able to rant in my own freaking blog?


now off i go to kill people. and small animals.


probably more small animals because i can eat them with less consequence...


augh, man, just thinking about that emo punkette crap is making me sick. KYLE?! KYLE! WHERE ARE YOU?! I NEED SOME VERY LOUD MUSIC RIGHT NOW AND I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING RESEMBLING THIS STUFF!

KYLE HELP!






i think my ears are bleeding.

ah, ok, so a little more perhaps. well lemme sit here a while and talk about nothing. i won't even proofread this afterwards! yay!

I am Mr. Apethetic. I don't care about a whole lot anymore. most people annoy me. I hate all of the stupid little things people bitch about when they have no room to bitch. I hate the things people bitch about that should stay inside thier little high school heads. I hate loud people with nothing intelligent (or at least sounds half inspired) to say. I, in general, hate people.

I hate my stupid high school class. I hate thier pop music and thier stupid love chains and thier moronic fucking world. I wish they would all trip over thier god forsaken skater shoes and stab themselves through the cartoid vein with thier hot topic spikes. I want to watch them choke on 50cent albums. Mostly i'd like to do it myself, you know with a gun about the side of my ego, but i can't because i play waaaay too many videogames and it would look real bad.

besides, where am i gonna find a sherman tank painted black with a giant machete duct taped to the front.


Yeah, with me on the inside listening to Massive Attack while running the big fucking machete into your face, climbng out, sticking you into the barrel of my sherman, and blowing your corpse through the wall into a throng of your emo-thrash-ska-punkette-rap-hiphop friends.

All but eight of them die.

those eight start a band, and after careful deliberation about the circumstances surrounding thier bands conception they decided to name themselves the "Liberate Tiawanese Green Party Refugees".



Dear god why do all of you sick morons exist. who invented punk pop blah blah blah shit? WHO?! the english i'll bet. but at least we already knew they were bland and wickedly uninspired, so that was fine. but bland and wickedly uninspired americans? ok yeah, so thats not so hard to pull either. But nonetheless, without the accent you are still screwed. But hey, i must be cool and bland too since i can recite every ska/punk track ever written:


dun nun nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh "ricka racka riffa runna winga heya wooa" dun nun nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh...

ok, so stupid "this is you and you're all like 'mluahahaaaweee'" second grade impression insults aren't exactly effective, but i didn't to come accross as too much more intelligent than they must be. in this instant of impression insult, alot.

Someone gimme a break.


ok, but i went off on a tangent. let me get back to the more general "i hate everyone" stuff the FBI is scouring this page for.

well, maybe instead i'll talk about who i like.


Kyle. Kyle is great. Kyle can stomach my huge ego and constant blasting of hot air. Kyle sometimes actually thinks i am intelligent. I like Kyle. Kyle and i are very much alike, and therefore we often times want more than anything else in the world to kill each other, but i still love him throughout it all. Kyle pretty much assumes that my position is ok for me so its mostly ok for him, and stands beside me (or somewhere behind me, depending on the immediate danger). So thats Kyle.


Next, is Rachel. I could get all gooey and talk about how much she means to me and stuff, but this isn't the time nor the place considering the previous material. Needless to say, Rachel and Kyle are hanging off a bridge about to die, i would at least consider saving her much longer than i would consider kyle before i laughed and walked off to save myself the effort.

Ok so i'd save her. leave me alone. Kyle is a big boy, he can fall to his doom and bounce back on his own.


Also on this list reside a few other people with whom i communicate less than i should but still weigh in on the bridge-death model. AKA, susan, steve, scot, DATA from star trek, Riker, aw hell the whole bridge crew except for the chic with the shrt hair who dies eventually. and wesley. little bastard.



i think i'm done now.

I AM BACK FUTHERMUCKERS!



thats right, i have to much to say not to be.



OK, heres the deal in a nutshell:


1. Life Sucks
2. Might be dropping out of school
3. Working on design portfolio
4. Hate DA
5. Love the color black
6. SO now thats all i wear
8. Currently have the god damn flu
9. currently hate it
10. had $350 to spend on xmas, spent it all, and i'm still not done.
11. The world hates me, so you can too
12. I hate me, i'm pretty sure
13. Aliens have taken over the parts of my floor that you can not see
14. If you can't see there and won't look, how do you know i'm wrong?
15. The answer "because you're Joe" does not count.



anything else folks? perhaps. I'll post more in the morning. or maybe in like ten minutes. i dunno.