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Well, after five days or so i finally worked up the moxy to call Sara. We talked for a while, got ourselves on the same page, and though things are still like they were i feel alot better. I'll hopefully be fixing her computer soon, among other things, which i look forward to.

I slept for two hours last night. five thirty to seven thirty. I randomly ended up talking on the phone for a grand total of three and half hours with two different people, and played lots of Gran Turismo.

After my two hours of sleep, i went immediately to Mr. Stauffers house to do some more garden work. I have a split in the palm of my hand from the last job we did, and it paid me no mercy this time. I kinda hoped we would do some lighter work today.

When we showed up, the first thing i saw was a 1.5 ton pile of topsoil. Today, in three hours, i moved 1.2 tons of it all around that old man's yard. My arms are burning like i had been doing pushups for that entire time.

So far this week i've worked about 35 hours between both jobs, by the end of the week it will be around sixty. I may have an eleven hour shift tomorrow at subway.

Today i'm going to look through some of the things Sara has given me over the year and some odd we've been together. I refuse to let myself draw away from her, to get used to her not being around. As long as there remains a glimmer of hope, i will keep myself loving her more every day the same as always.

I'm actually really proud of her, for taking the time to figure this all out. When i talked to her, she really seemed like she was honestly thinking about the situation, and not just letting us die off. I know she still loves me, even if she is confused as to how and why. Even if she decides to walk away, i trust her and her choice. She is a smart girl, and while i am desperate to have her back in my life, i can't scare her into sticking around. Unless she has the complete and total freedom of knowing i will not hate her, or blame her, or love her any less for whatever choice she makes, its not fair.