Sara...

Yes, this is the post you all have been dreading... the Sara post. Sorry, i'm in the mood to talk about Sara, so you can choose to continue to read, or close the window. These are my thoughts.



I Love Sara Hess. No "H". Why? What about her? Well...

Sara saved me. She saved me from a long series of very bad choices, and she kept me from potentially ruining my entire life... the consequences of my actions were far less than they could have been. Sara grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out of that dark place... life is not easy, but she always manages to pull me back out of it.

Sara taught me the worth of my effort, even if it is a concept i am still struggling with... she gives me hope and inspiration, she gives me a reason and a purpose to be more than just my empty self. She gives me light when i am down, she gives me strength when i am completely hopeless. She lifts me up with her smile, she takes my scattered thoughts and sets them at ease with a word.

Sara is my love, my obsession, my joy, my peace, and my inspiration. She is my rock, she is my most trusted ally and my most cherished friend. She is my soulmate, my... everything.

Sara has the most incredible mind... and she doesn't even know it. She denies it to no end, and will never admit to being one step ahead of the rest of us. Her intuition and insight are uncanny, and she sees through me like glass. Her artistic vision is brilliant, and it shows through in her every effort. Her photography is brilliant, absoultely stunning, full of life and depth. The other day she shot three full rolls of film, and took not one bad photo. She showed them to me and i was... amazed. She has talent like no other i know... she is impossible, my Sara.

Sara is beautiful. Gorgeous. She is breathtaking. Her smile is as stunning as it is deadly, she holds me in the palm of her hand with that smile... Hers is a beauty that is apparent in everything she touches, every thought she expresses. The way she dresses, the way she moves, her laugh, her voice, even the way she breathes when she falls asleep... they all glow with that beauty. Hers is a kind you cannot paint onto your face, or adapt with a wardrobe. Her beauty is indescribable, and without parallel. Never once, i swear, have i seen her any less than stunning. I see her for the first time in a day and i can never speak... my thoughts are consumed by her.

Most of all... i know my Sara loves me. She loves me deeply, truly, with such power it pulls on me when she is away and draws me in when she is near. I take comfort in knowing she loves me the way she does... completely, utterly. I can feel it in her gaze. She is my all... my anything... my everything...

my Sara.

If only i could begin to describe how much you mean to me...


I love you.

Changes soon

New layout on the way. TIme to update everything.


Dunno when...



Uh, Sara got her stereo. It took forever to install, but they finished it well and it sounds great. I still think she needs another sub, but eh, we'll see.

I would love to build myself a system... but first i need a car. Maybe in a month or two... we'll see. I'll post details on that system when i think it up.

I love Sara.


(do i say that enough? heh)

Dot Dot Dot

Le Sigh.

Tada.

Ok, news...

stereo goes in soon.

working on shit, taking time though after some setbacks... nothing too nuts. Moving forward.

Sara and i and absolutely brilliant.

I added a toggle switch to the SCREAMBOX, so now you can expand it if you want to see it and post, or you can leave it up. It was getting on my nerves a bit, just sitting there. Hopefully soon i'll have my posts the same way, and you will be able to expand each new one seperately rather than scroll down.

uh... more later.

oh and sara got her window fixed.

Erm... clarification

That last post was a short story, by the way.



Well tonight... was odd. Some good, some bad. Sara's car was broken into... nothing was stolen, but it shaked her and i up a bit. Mostly me.


To have to stand by and... not be able to do anything except clear broken glass from her window...

I've never been so furious in my life.


And to top it off, i left her sitting at eat and park while i got a ride home from kyle... i knew she was upset, about a great many things all swimming in her head, and i had to go.

I've never left her without talking to her first... never...



I feel terrible. I even managed to get on her nerves because i was a mite bit too affectionate, and she snapped at me. She's never done that before, either.


I love her to death... it hurts to see her in such a state as this. I miss her terribly already, i just want to get my god forsaken license so i can go visit her more often...


God i love you Sara...

Somebody Else

A shot rang out.

Well, not really... it was more of a dull thump, as the Socom MOD .45 let a single deadly round slide down its barrel and through the end of an army surplus softcore silencer. The gun made almost no sound at all, in fact only the impact of lead to bone raised enough noise to echo off the walls.

It was a short echo.

I stepped back from the massive oak posted bed i had so cautiously approached moments before. My deep, heavy boots landed hard on the wooden floor, but it was no matter. The woman who lay before me was no more capable of circulating blood than she was capable of screaming at the presence of a stanger in black. The last spasmic beats of her brutally shocked heart throbbed deep red from the wound which marred her once handsome face, staining the satin sheets so carefully washed earlier that day. As the night slowly began to take shape around me once again, i moved my mind from the cold chasm i had placed it in for safe keeping back into the painful sting of reality.

She was dead. By my hand.

I shook my head furiously, as if to throw my thoughts from it. I hadn't really killed her, i thought to myself. It wasn't really me.

A grin slid icily onto my face, my eyes gleaming in the light from the bedroom window.

It wasn't really me who shot her...

Shot her handsome face...

Took that beautiful life...

With this beautiful gun...

Dropping the gun i raised my hands slowly to my face. No, i thought to myself, i shot her, i killed her.

Her.

Weak, small.

But...

No! I screamed in my own mind, i shot her... how could i have let this happen?



A shot rang out.

Rang.

She means nothing.

Rang.

Not strong. Empty. She...

Rang.

He is so much more powerful, almost omnipotent.

RANG.

Him... He is strong.

BEEPED.

Rolling over slowly i hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. I checked the time. Five Thirty, AM. Yawning, i was again absorbed back into the saftey of the sheets surounding me. This can't keep happening, something inside me said. Gunshot, then the alarm goes off. This makes going to work quite difficult in the morning. Sometimes people have reoccouring dreams, but does anyone have a good one? A random thought for my every morning.

Random every morning.

I looked at the clock again.

Five forty five.

If i didn't get up out of the bed, i'd of been late. Dreams of silencers and dark assassins did not clean one up for the day ahead. Moving like the reanimated dead, i stood from my bed and hobbled to the bathroom. Staring into the mirror i saw an image reflected, but not the image i wanted to reflect. This image was much too feminine, much too... simple. Too light. Too weak. Too...

I glanced back into the bedroom.


I should of probably moved his body sooner.

He was getting blood all over my nice sheets.

Day Three

Well, not such a brilliant day progress-wise, i spent most of it working and the rest of it with Sara. I worked nine hours, seven to four, and did basically nothing at work. Friday we have to start a new dock system, which is going to suck... but oh well. Hopefully i'll have a decent check... about 120 or so. Nothing amazing, but i need the money bad... i have to pay Steve $100, my dad $60, jason $40. I'll have somewhere around $60 this friday, and that goes to jason, with $20 for a movie with Sara. Next week i have to get the system installed... i have no idea what that is going to cost. the rest is my dad's money. Then steve, then apartment.


Baring all my debt, i do have some good news...

we got the god damned speakers. We got all four coaxials, the amp, the sub, and the subkit (minus the box, still on backorder) all today. Its going to have a decible rating of about 140. yeah. loud.

Jet engines are 89.


We get it installed this coming friday, if all goes well. And it better go well...


I'm sick of waiting.


Tomorrow, i have to figure out my damn GED. woo. this sucks. not to mention my physical. So i get to do two things i hate... yay. But its all for the greater good... going to bradley, and patching things up with Sara's 'Rents.



such is life.



Once again...

I love you, Sara.

Day Two

Today went quite well. I woke up at seven to talk to Sara before she left for school, then... went back to sleep. Around two i got up to talk to my cousin Jay again at his office, where he quoted me the prices to the parts i am buying Sara. It turns out the overall value was less than i had anticipated, as car audio is apparently significantly cheaper than i had imagined (albeit expensive nonetheless)

So, today i ordered my dear Sara $800 in car audio stuff. What stuff, do you ask? Well...

JVC Copperhead Coaxial Speakers (two sets) $90.00/set


Cerwin Vega IT12 12" Sub (holy jesus, god only knows how the hell i got this) $250


Custom 12" sub enclosure $100

Rampage 600watt Amp $140


Installation $100

+ $46.20 in god damned taxes

Totals $816.20


I paid absolutely no where near that price to have the entire system shipped overnight, brand new, never been out of the god damned box.

Not even half.


Its good to have connections

No i can't buy you speakers.


This is all great, but i STILL have an assload of work to do concerning... my life. So while this is all fine and good, i need to focus on the task at hand... not being a complete loser.

woo.


I love you Sara.

Day One

well, except for that last spat two seconds ago with my mom about kyle coming over (dumb shit) today went well.

Went to work, stayed extra, got a little sick but was ok. Got alot done there. Sara picked me up, we went home, i sifted through some old art junk and showed her some of my 3D junk... nothing amazing.

We ended up talking with my parents concerning life and our relationship... it turned out really well. My parents accepted what we had to say, and we ended up laughing and talking at the the end. It was very good... both of us are relieved immensly.


Also, toward the end of our conversation my cousin Jay called. He told me he would order the parts for her car tomorrow... they will be here wednesday.

Kickass.

Also, i have taken steps to get things organized for my apartment and transportation. Good day if you ask me. Good start to everything.


Lets hope things continue in this trend.

I love you sara :)

Day One - Morning

Tough to look ahead and see things working out perfectly, but everything in time...

Looking at what needs to be done can be sobering. Need to get into Brad, need to get apartment, need a car, need a credit card with which to buy a car, or some way to get a car...

Need to pay off the world, need to get in touch with Jay about stereo...



Lots to do. But today, a start. Just a start.

So my goals for today include getting my appointment set up with Dr. Luken, as well as contacting Bradley for more info. After that, i need to figure out this whole GED thing, take some tests and whatnot.

So today, i need to make appointment, call bradley, check GED placement scores. Simple eh?

A pretty mediocre start if you ask me...

Its rough when you've done nothing to help yourself for this long.




With Sara here it should be ok.

Loving her helps alot, too.

Well hey, nothing says motivation like a bullet to the temple

Welcome back to the blog.


Hmmm.. uh... anything worth posting in here...


oh yeah, i have to organize my entire life in less than one month in order to maintain my ability to spend it with Sara.

But besides that nothing is going on.



If anyone has, say, $25,000,000 i could borrow, it would be fantastic. If i had lots and lots of money, this entire problem wouldn't exist. No, no, wait, i know what it is...


if i wasn't a moron this problem wouldn't exist.




Its a good thing i beieve her when she says she loves me... if she didn't, we wouldn't stand a chance...



I'll do what i have to.

And then throw it into the fucking faces of everyone who said it was impossible.





Fuck all of you.

Peanuts need a much larger pallate value to warrant trying to eat one.

News! I have news!

ok, dumb news, but...


TEUSDAY IS NOT MY DAY!

I've been saying it for years, but it turns out my day is not tuesday. nope. But i was close...

Its thursday. why?


Because July 17th, 1986 was a thursday.


also, as of my copy-and-pasting this info, i am exactly 557,457,947 seconds old. which, consequently, makes me 154,849 hours old. Of which i have spent 145,170 awake and 9,679 hours asleep.

Thats 403 days!

I'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR ALMOST 1.104 YEARS!

Thats enough sleep for me, thankyou.

Also, in my time alive i've spent nearly .8 years sitting on this here computer.





wow




i'm a loser.




on another note, everyone needs to give Sara a big round of applause. She has managed to change my mind about a lot of things... about me and my life, and about what love really is...

And today she left me walking toward the diner with a big dumb grin on my face. She knows just what to do and say to make my whole day incredible...


Thanks Sara.


For every day.

I taped over my lightswitch again.

Update update update... time to update...

Wow i so do not give a shit about this update. I'm just bored. Passing time until Sara is nearby again... few more hours... just a few more...


So what has happened lately...


Organizing to have my apartment by the end of january. Just need... time. Also waiting for my credit card. It will be helpful... for going into debt i'm sure. Such is life. Fuck off, i don't care what you think.

I'm done. I'm finished. Go home. Read someone elses blog. Die. Eat shit and die.


Ok, so i'm not in that bad of a mood... just being dumb. Lets see... time to rant about something ridiculous (besides my life).



I fucking hate... er... stuff? eh something more specific... uh...

I hate not being inspired.

I hate being inspired and having no available mediums worse though.



AUGH I AM GOING BERSERK. This post is pointless. are you still reading this?



I'm getting a tattoo. Of... i don't know yet. I have some sketches i might want... i dunno. We'll see.


I love Sara. Did i mention that? Are these obscure thoughts making any sense?

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

yes thats what i want

no you don't know what i mean







Tomorrow can't come fast enough.