Who joe is from the perspective of an old friend.

This is an old friend of mine. She is gone now. To those who have any faith in me, to those who see any good in me, to those who hate and love me, and to those who trust me, read this.

I knew her for many years.

She was my closest friend. My first love.



Some people do not listen to me when i tell them i am dangerous. This is what became of myself and one other. Read it and learn something.


She is not out of line here. She knew me for nearly seven years. She knows what she is talking about.




: Your comments thing isn't working, so i'll just say what i have to say here...
: What's one more broken promise, eh? You told me you woulnd't put my name in your blog again - you knew the reasons why and you said you understood. But of course you would be too selfish to live up to that, so now you refuse to take it off.
: As for apologizing to me for the trouble caused by mentioning me in your posts, why bother? You know just as well as I do that you don't mean it. If you did you would have taken it down. But it has to sound good, right?
: After all, you're so very good with words - it’s just the doing what you say part that you have a problem with. . You were never able to get around to acting on things.
: “i can't feel right with myself any other way.” That’s a typical thing for you to say. I mean, you’ve already put me through months of hell, why stop thinking about yourself now? What point would there be in that?
: Don’t pride yourself in thinking that your little post has the ability to upset me. I’m not exactly sure what part you’re referring to. Is it about my name? Whatever. It just proves to me how much of a liar you are.
: Was it the part about your girlfriend, maybe? No, that doesn’t upset me either. I’ve seen you in this spot many times, and we both know how it’s going to turn out. I just feel sorry for her. I'm sure she deserves much better than you.
: . I just hope you don’t throw her aside in the end too.
: But don’t forget… when you hit rock bottom and you don’t know where to go… don’t expect to find me standing there for you to run to.
: (and this thing is now messing up)
: I am done with you treating me like dirt and taking me for granted. God help anyone who has the misfortune to cross your path.
: I never thought I'd say this, but you were very right in saying that you weren't good enough for me.
: Life suddenly looks beautiful again now that you don't exist to me anymore.
: Funny to think that I ever loved you.. don't worry though - I have my brain in working order again

Response from a friend of mine (yes i still have some)

: listen "anonymouse" - just GET OVER IT. you clearly are not "done" with joe, or else you would not be posting these pointless messages on his website. why in god's name would you even visit a page all about a person you hate, especially if you know that
: he is going to write things that you don't like? it's understandable that you don't want your name in here, but were all those posts really necessary?
: And for the record, this isn't Joe. Also for the record, I know I spelled anonymous wrong in the first post of mine.

And from me:

: ooooo, the drama. Thankyou, er, Mr Ly. But rachel is entitled to her opinion. I must be a liar if i mentioned her name, and i must be a terrible person because my every relationship does not work out.
: Also, she is pretty amazing for having posted all of that without being upset, it does after all sound very objective. Ah well... years of friendship boiled down to a few months and stomped out. She is perfectly welcome to leave a friend behind.
: I refuse to do it. I might be a jerk, but i won't ever walk away. I might not be perfect, far from it, and full of mistakes, but i won't walk away.
: i can't remember my moms birthday. so remembering something i mentioned about not posting her name (which was never outlined in my original censorship post) should be easy eh? Ah well, i've learned one thing over time...
: I have some friends who put up with me period. They have never walked away, regardless of my overt stupidity. These are Kyle Hoffmann and Susan Divitt. They have thier limits... and i may break them in time.
: however, i am greatful to have them stand behind me, like rachel did for so long. I don't expect anyone to stand in my wake. So, thanks for sticking around rach. Enough is enough. If you are really done... then please go.
: I'd rather not hear from you in this context. Unless it makes you happy to bash my friendships, and my integrity, and everything you know about me. Bash away. You have the power. You know me quite well. And you know how to make it sting. And it does sting.
: Especially after the last spoken words between you and i were "I love you". You win rachel. You got the best and worst of me. I'm depleted. Now please just leave me alone.
: Please.



Note to self: If rachel gets hit by a bus or is otherwise on the edge of death or suicide, visit her. The thrill of stabbing me might bring her back a bit.





Those we love render the deepest wounds.

Please allow me to repeat myself...

I will not censor my blog again.

ever.

I will however cease mentioning those who have requested exclusion by name.


But

i will not censor this blog.

So if i already posted it, find some way to sue me.

I've never been to court and it would be great publicity.



I apologize for problems caused by my mentioning names. So far... only two people have been victimized, and they belong to the same family. In fact, the animosity has been entirely third-party...


If i bitch you out and you want me to censor, then maybe you've got a point (slander charges suck) but if i did not intentionally attack you, the problems that stem as a result are entirely without my intent. I am sorry problems exist, but that is outside of my control. I do not consider the ramifications of every word i type in here. This is not the new york times. I have no subscribers. I have no board of directors. I have one disillusioned mind and a keyboard attached to an insanely fast cable connection.


I can create reasons to insert foot into mouth at near the speed of light.


But you'll never see me eat my shoe.



So, once again i walk away from this here board offending some and placing others into laughter induced comas. Some indifference is also present... but... why read it if it doesn't do something for ya eh?

Would you shoot up heroin if all you got was a little hole, and excuse to put on a bandaid, and about 4cc of extra juice in your system?


see i'm like heroin in my extreme moments.


some people are morbidly disgusted by my existance

some are addicts



...



But most of the time i am a pack of gum.


Very rarely am i around when you need me, i'm sometimes satisfying and sometimes disappointingly bland, you hate it when someone chews me too loud, and the package never costs as much as the price actually printed on the label.




or something.




Ah, also, for those who care (small list i know)

Sara and i are doing quite well, for as far as we can see so far. Which is not very far. Forgive my optimism. Shoot me down. I don't fucking care.

I'm happy.


So sue me.









*sigh* i almost feel bad about the shit i'll catch for this post. And yes, ye who are the initial subject of this post, i know you are going to read this and be upset. Sorry... but i can't feel right with myself any other way. And to the one who will hear about this second hand, i changed my mind. I probably already told you this. But... erm... ah fuck it.


goodnight.


For the record, i think i spelled optimism and existance wrong, but i'm too lazy to check. Also for the record... i probably spelled plenty of stuff wrong, bearing i mind how slashed with red ink my english reports were...

Guess who's back... back again... i am back... kill a friend...

hello folks. Long time no see.


I've been gone for a while... sorta... out and stuff.


Lets see... since i last posted...


Rachel and i no longer communicate. She finally got sick of my not being around and talking with her, and so she has moved on. Many years of friendship have been set aside... for now. She knows she still has me here, and i know i can still run to her when i need someone... but for now, she's gone.

Also

Brandy, who i hinted at in previous posts, and that whole situation, has died. Whats the story behind brandy exactly?

I met her through my friend kyle. Her and i got along very well, to the point where dating had become a possibility. However, there was a bit of a problem.

She had a fiance.

So we decided to... ignore it. The two of us saw each other all the time, even spent time together when Ryan (the fiance) was around. Ryan and i even began to become friends... i was sleeping with his fiance, and he wanted to be my friend.

Yes folks, it was extremely fucked up. If any of you know me at all, you know this is NOT like me in the least. However, i was sick of being on the short end of the stick. It was my turn to be the complete asshole, and really fuck someone over.

I did.

I never will again.

Long story short, Ryan found out about the whole thing. That night, after i had talked with him and explained to him everything (except the parts where i was fucking her, i left that out. She could tell him that. And yes, it was fucking; there was no lovemaking, it was all lustful selfish empty fucking. Harsh and pointless, like the way i am describing it. Forgive my bluntness.) and she had talked with him, they drove me home. She asked me to get out of the car. She never said goodbye to me, after all of the lies i told for her, after everything i said to her, after everything she said to me. She said the word "godbye" when i asked her if she was going to or not, but it was choked out and had no meaning behind it.

I looked at her and said "Thankyou, for everything."



We have not spoken since.



In the meantime, i had managed to piss off alot of my friends, and make several enemies. Of my friends, two stuck beside me. Kyle Hoffmann, who always stands right behind me regardless of whats going on, and my friend Sara.

Sara and i had not known each other long, she met me in the middle of the brandy saga. I was in my worst state, very much the asshole you avoid at parties and warn your lady friends to stay away from. She did not fall into that frame of mind though... she saw right through the bullshit and thought that maybe i wasn't such an idiot. I don;t know why. I am an asshole. But she saw something more...


She stuck by me till the end, and without her i never would have set into motion the events that led to Ryan's discovery. She saved me from my own stupid selfishness...


The same night brandy never said goodbye Rachel called me and said goodbye. The girl i had spent the better part of half of my life with was gone... we didn't always date, but we were always friends. That ended. My deadly relationship ended. I was left looking like an idiot, with a million i-told-you-sos coming my way. I felt worse then than i had in my entire life... i have never been more distraught.


Sara said nothing against me... she simply smiled at me and stayed with me. She kept me sane.

I realized i needed what she had to offer. Comfort, caring, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to borrow. She listened to me, understood me. She confirmed my fears and killed them, and she sat with me when i had nothing to say.

Sara and i are together now. I can only hope i can begin to care for her like she does for me. Her best friend doesn't trust me. Who can blame her? I have not given her much reason to. I belive i can be something for Sara... and i will do everything i can for her.


Hmmm... what else...


I'm never home anymore. I wake up at home on monday morning around 5:30am, and leave for work. I work until 1pm. I then hang out with people at the mall until 6-8pm, and then go to the Lyndon Diner. I'm at the diner until 11pm, or as late as 4-5am. Then i head over to Mark Rineer's house for the night. We drink, we play videogames, we eat weird food, its great. After a while i get a ride home, and repeat the same schedule over for tuesday-wednesday, and then again for thursaday-friday. Friday i stay at marks until sunday, going to and from his place and the diner.


This week i left on monday and never came home.


In two months i have to find an apartment.



My dad is ok with my being gone, but he prefers i have my own place. this is doable, and will take place soon. I just need the 1400 for the apartments first and last month of rent, as well as some basic get-my-shit-together stuff. Then i'll be... gone.


So yes life is taking interesting turns.


I'll post more later.



Thanks for reading.


And if anyone want to join me, either to hang out or to get an apartment, call my cell and talk with me or leave a message. 717-951-1961.

Till next time...