check out the progress on my latest 3D work, a mercedes benz slk 320. its my first car model, and turning out pretty well.

The Progess Thread

so far i have most of the front end complete, with a few bugs to work out.

my mouth hurts. got a cankor sore from getting kicked in the face. Not to mention, a mouth that won't open all the way. so much for subs.

For such a small injury, this sure is annoying.

Slow day, bad day, boring day. Joined the Threedy (3-D) forums today and got some critique on my alien head thing, which you can see here. not too bad a model if i do say so myself.

however, i am still waaaay better at 2D than 3D, so my presence at the forums is for learning purposes.


On a side note, the world seems to think i'm evil. i am constantly be accused of villany by Carra Hoffmann and Ash, not to mention everyone they talk to. Just for the record, they're much more evil than i.

Been getting zero hours at work. screw them. i need to find a new job, again. this is getting old.

On top of all of this, i cannot sleep. I don't fall asleep till 2am. it sucks.

well, g'night folks. i have to go... uh... do the insomniac thing.

i yiv gup.


and btw

where is everyone?

I'm sorry, for those i've promised everything and given nothing. Kyle, you especialy, who i shirk all the time. You deserve better. To Ash, who i confuse to no end and offer no plausible explanation. To Rachel, who i owe so much and give so little. To Carra, to whom i have shown incredible disrespect. To everyone around. I'm doing better, things are clearing up for me, but i'm still a moron ;) so keep an eye on me. Thanks to all of you for having a hand in my life, whether you know it or not. Especialy to those who will proofread this and yell at me for horrible syntax and spelling.

Please, do not comment on this with "Your not being bad to me" and such, because its been too long. I need to apologize.


On a lighter note, kyle managed to kick me in the face tonight, which was utterly hilarious and was the mark of my week. I even got two busted lips! Great, great stuff.

Got a new CD, too. Massive Attack, some album, forgot its name. good stuff, though.

ah, well, theres my latest journal entry. Have fun guys, sorry for dumping on you but, eh, it had to be done sooner or later.

APEX Radio is back online, and now has an even more complete playlist of the worlds best Trance, Dance, and break music.

APEX Radio

I honestly don't care who reads this journal.


But read with caution, please, and do not make judgements based on my inchoherent rambling.

If i could put who i was down on paper, i would be pretty shallow.

This is but a glimpse.

A SIMPLE PSYCOLOGICAL PROCESS OF JEALOUSY
Written by Joseph Schell
this writing is not revised.
Concise Version

This document is dedicated to Kyle Hoffmann, who came to me with the suggestion of tackling this topic. So in the event that this whole thing turns out to be crap, blame him.


"O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on."

William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), "Othello", Act 3 scene 3

Jealousy is the driving force behind so many insane and malicious actions that it might just be satans pervese will manifest in thought. Jealousy is the thought that one harbors when one expects something he cannot get, and sees something one cannot attain. Essentialy, then, jealousy is really rooted in another key mindset, greed.

When someone becomes jealous, this is usualy because one or more of a few key factors.

1. They already harbor animosity towards the person or circumstance
2. They are in a state of unstable emotional stress, which leads to unrealistic thinking
3. They expected to gain something in place of a given person or circumstance (they feel cheated)
4. They have been betrayed and cannot retaliate, assuming retaliation was thier desire.

The most common form of jealousy is number one, in which one already holds a sense of animosity toward someone or something. In this case, someone is angered by his enemy whenever his enemy is happy. One sees happiness in his foe as proof that his foe has come accross something it does not deserve in the eyes of the jealous one. Anger built around this sense of unfair blessing commonly leads to acts of maliciousness against the protagonist, ranging from thoughts in one's head to murder. While all four of the main jealousy-catalysts can lead to the same or similar acts, factor one most often does.

Often times jealous people do not become jealous for just one of the reasons I mentioned. Often times more than one catalyst are combined, and the most common combination of them occours when one feels cheated, and falls into an unstable emotional state, or vise-versa. When in a dual (or more) state of jealous animosty, one can often begin to affect his or her life merely by keeping the mindset around. This jealousy grows to such proportion that it eventualy consumes them, leading to revenge and enhanced thoughts of greed (in an attempt to justify compensation for thier greif, besides just geting what originaly sparked the injustice.)

Jealousy is not a thought process unto itself. it is a bundle of thoughts comprised as one state of mind. Three of these we have already mentioned, those being greed, revenge, and anger. Also included are a myriad of other sub-thoughts, things like lust, egotism, selfishness, pride, hate, etc etc. Without these thoughts, jealousy is nothing. jealousy is an open-armed invitation for a person to become the very essence of evil. To become something that hates, something that conspires, something that becomes self rightous and greedy.

Jealousy could very well be satan's will manifest.

RELATIVE THOUGHT BASED ON THE COMMUNICATIVE BASE OF CONGRUENT PERCEPTION PROCESSES
Written by Joseph Schell, unrevised

In two parts. Read this, and then the post immediately below this.


Based on the perceptional values (a) of the observation of ones relative postion (b) one can begin to build a general base of knowledge pertaining to ones external value (c), which is often, but not always, reflective of [a]. Thus, one can immediately assume that if a=b then c should equal [a], unless [a] is flawed due to a misperception of [b]. Due to this, we must add the variable [d], which refers to the probability of one having a misconception of [b]. [d] therefore equals d={a?%b}.

Now, in order to come to any conclusion about the validity of [a] (perceptional values concerning [b]), we must create a variable to which it must parallel. Thus, we institue the variable [e], which is the surrounding circumstances perception of [b]. Based on this, we can now conlude with some certainty that [a] must equal [e], and [b] must equal [e] in order for [b] to be correct. thus if (ea)+(eb)=2 (assuming that all values are in binary, either 1 or 0, one being correct and zero being incorrect) then ones percetion of his relative position must be accurate. however, we must remember that [d] still affects [a]'s perception of [b], so we will adjust the equation to include the variable for misconcpetion. So, we get (ea-d)+(eb-d)=f, with f being the value of your perception, which, if anything less than two, is wrong.

So, based on the above paragraphs, we can assume the following:

1. [a] must equal to [e] in order for [f] to be correct.
2. [a] is based on [b], but can be affected by [d]
3. [f] must equal two in order for [a] and [f] to be correct

(RELATIVE THOUGHT BASED ON THE COMMUNICATIVE BASE OF CONGRUENT PERCEPTION PROCESSES cont. from above post)

We now discover that [e] must have the same potential for flaw as [a]! This new vaiable, called [d^] (the ^ so you can tell the difference between [d] and [d^], and not for any mathematical value. also, d^=(e?%b)) must be added to the equation. So, the new equation would look like the following:

([e-d^]a-d)+([e-d^]b-d)=f

so, based on the equation, we gather that the surrounding circumstances minus the probability of thier misconception, multiplied by ones perception (minus its probability of misconception), plus the same process after replacing perception with position, must equal two in order to be correct.

Now, the variable [c], which we have not discussed in full yet, can be defined. [c] being one's value after [b] is determined, [c] must equal [f], or

(([e-d^]a-d)+([e-d^]b-d)=f)=c

Variables:
a - One's perception of his relative postion
b - One's actual relative postion
c - One's actual value based on position
d - The probability of [a]'s misconceiving [b]
e - The surrounding circumstances perception of [b]
f - The value of equation ([e-d^]a-d)+([e-d^]b-d), which must equal two in order for [a] and [e] to be correct.

In conclusion, we can realize the following:

1. Your perception of your value in a given situation is subject to flaw
2. The circumstance's general perception of your value in a given situation is subject to flaw
3. If both your perception and the circumstances perception are subject to flaw and both become flawed, the outcome is not nessescarily true.

Thus, what you might think and what other people might think of your value has nothing to do with what your value actualy is.

test.

just saw the Matrix Reloaded a few hours ago.


BEST
MOVIE
EVER.


Make sure when you go you stay until all the credits are gone, there is a hidden preview of Revolutions.

MATRIX.

I'm not at home posting this, i'm at my friends house. Why? I got grounded from my comp for the day.

Long story short, i didn;t do what my mom asked (i took too long to do my science) and she took away the comp for the day. My god, why does she flip out over the smallest things? If she hadn't tried to correct it so soon, whe never would have noticed i hadn't done it yet, and would not have cared. But when she found out that i hadn't done it EXACTLY to her perfect, all-mom-best standards, i got- well, i got into trouble. And lectured to no end, blah blah blah blah you'll never make it in life like this blah blah bunchofbullcraphowaboutigodothedishesnowandcomplaintoyourfatherwhenhecomeshome blah blah....

Considering this, i would like to quote a song:

We know who we are
and what we want to say
and we don't care
who's listening
we don't rebel
to sell
it just suits us well
we're the bright young things


I'm not evil demon rebelious guy, but who cares abouta few hours difference in my homework sched?!

"Let that which does not matter truly slide."

last night i randomly went to the speech-giving presentations of a few of my freinds. I managed some time (however short) with my Kyle's sister (kyle being my best friend, although we call each other brothers), who used to catch my attention quite often, and now tortures me from a distance or in groups of other females. Such is life. I did also however spend a decent amount of time with another lady friend of mine who seems to have been colliding with my Carra (kyle's sister) thoughts as of late. I am a complete moron, you see, and will probably just wander aimlessly in my conflicting thoughts until I eventualy earn a slap from one of them.
Later on in the eve, and after a few people asked, i decided to give an impromtu speech.

I love giving speeches.


However, this one died on me. I swear, i bounced all over the place a million times, and my two minutes was up before i ever even remotely made a point. I, of course, was competely wrapped up in entertaining my captive audience, and actualy saying anything of substance was out of the question.

Towards the end i managed to get some more serious blarg out of my rambling, but i still know i could have done better. S think i spent ten minutes in the back trying to come up with a clever way to make fun of kyle before i started my speech. It almost worked. ah, well...


This journal is probably going to be the worst thing that ever happened to me. Someone will find it, read it, and then come and shoot me. I know it. I should have just left it to the mindless geeks who surf these things, and not to those i know. oh well.

I'd die by them sooner or later, anyways.

After you read this, you will walk to the kitchen. or will you? Will you avoid the kitchen?

Now that i've said it, you're thinking about it. What will you do? how will you respond? Will you competely ignore this and walk to the kitchen? or be rebelious to my statement and not go there?

You have to do something. Once you get up, you have to make a choice. Go to the kitchen, or go somewhere else. Anywhere else.

but since i said something, the decision is not just an easy yes or no. Did my typing this influence your choice? Would you have even thought about going to the kitchen if i had not typed it in here?

How strong is the power of suggestion?

guah, i'm gonna spaz out and kill someone. I'm going nuts! I wish this dumb game were easier. I wish it could actualy happen. I wish i;d stop wishing and see some results in the next few weeks.


yeah. right.

The Drop In Your Lap Theory
Designed by Joe Schell
Unedited Format

This document concerning the DIYL theory will be presented in the following order.

CONCISE THEORY
KEY THEORY ELEMENTS AND THIER APPLICATIONS
Timing
Patience
Perception
CTTFLC, or Cetflek
Illusion of Luck


-----------

Part I
Concise Theory

The Drop In Your Lap Theory carries both simple elegance and complex implications. Its can be easy to use and to implement, and difficult to perfect. This is the base of any good theory concerning life, and its how this theory works.
Essentialy, this is how the DIYL theory works, and what its based on.
On earth, amongst eveyone, are searchers. People who are spending thier lives looking for what they need, for what they want, for anything and everything. This group, which represents the majority of us, spends thier time looking and working towards an ultimate end to whatever goal lies in front of them. This lifestyle is effective and yeilds good results; you know what you want, and you go out and get it. It more or less boils down to "I want, I look, I earn (by evil or good means), I gain".
DIYL Takes one aspect of this lifestyle and removes it, replacing it with another. That part is the Look, or search, part. Granted, not all searching is removed, as all things must be researched either in ones mind or in the pysical world, in order to be effectivly "gained". Most of the preliminary searching, known to the DIYL theory as "Blind Searching", which is searching without a defined, set target (searching for a freind without one in mind, or searching for food without having any particular craving. IE, the search before your goal becomes clear), is completely removed.
In essence, the DIYL takes advantage of the people who are already searching, and events already occuring around you. It more or less means, "why look when it will eventualy find you?"
This might be slightly confusing, but keep on reading and it will make more sense.


Part II
Theory Elements

Section 1 - Timing

DIYL requires a good sense of timing. In order to take advantage of people or events occuring around you, you must understand the timing of things. This particular element of the theory varies from person to person, and can be very difficult to master. All timing really is, is knowing when to take advantage of the situation, and when to let things sit. You don't pick fruit beofre its ripe, and you don't use an oportunity before its time.

Section 2 - Patience and Essential Search

Patience walks hand in hand with timing. In order to get the most from a DIYL lifestyle, one must be patient enough to wait for what he needs. Augmenting this is the Blind Search alternate, which is Essential Search. In the event it would be unwise to replace Blind Search with just simply Wait (As in, waiting for something to drop into your lap), you replace it with Essential Search. This is a very simple idea. You go out, and you simplify your search to the most broad possible base. Are you hungry? Your search is for food. just food. any food. Get up, walk to where food is, and something will be there. Don't waste time thinking too much about what you want or what will be good, or if your really hungry. Just wait (patience) until you are hungry, then go and find some food. It could be anything. In this, you will accomplish two things: You have gained your goal (cure hunger) and you have avoided worry by not caring very much about what you ate. Now, this is a very small example of letting something drop in your lap (which in this case, was the hunger), but it works for everything. By eliminating the Blind Search (During which you go out seeking a specific food, not knowing what food you want, rather than just searching for "food" and not getting worried about what kind it is) you keep your stress level down, your expectations realistic, and everything simple.

Section 3 - Contextual Thinking to form Logical Conclusions - Relationship DIYL

In life you will find much more complicated events thanbeing hungry, which is where the DIYL theory shines. While it can be applied to simple everyday things (such as hunger), it is not nessescary and might only be for the hardcore DIYL practitioner.
One complicated sistuation that is easily rendered simple by the DIYL theory is that of People. More specificly, relationships (being freindship or potential significant other). By implimenting the DIYL thoery, one can completely eliminate worry in this area.
I can explain this part of the theory very easily. Rather than searching for a freind, or a mate, let them find you. As i mention in part i of this text, most people are already looking for someone. Why should you have to look, if they will eventualy seek you out and find you? By simply waiting for someone to come along and interact with you, you eliminate all need to find someone who matches you, who gets along with you, etc. If you just be yourself, and live your life, then whoever find you will have chosen you for those reasons!
However, you must not let just anyone drop into you lap. You must use the context of the situation, based on what you know of the person, the circumstances, etc, to form a logical conclusion as to your course of action. You can't let anything get to you without you thinking about it first, in a concise and logical manner. Put simply, use common sense. People will seek you out, but no one is perfect. They may have found the wrong person, or they intentions may be harmful rather than good. By excercising patience and logical thinking, one can get a good look at any situation that drops into one's lap, and come to an effective conclusion.

Section 4 - The Illusion of Luck

Contrary to popular belief, the Drop In Your Lap theory is not based on luck. It is based on one idea. Good things happen to those who wait. Wait long enough, and play your cards right, and you can live your life without all that avoidable stress, without tons of extra thinking and dead end pursuits. Please! Do not think this theory is telling you to be lazy! Rule number one of DIYL is "Play it by ear". Life does not always allow us to just let things happen. Some things require our attention and pursuit, and the DIYL theory only addresses the begining of the process of reaching a goal. You still have to work, and you still have to think. its not an easy thing to grasp, this theory, and takes time to understand. At first, it seems alot like normal life. "Whats so different about this, as compared to normal life?" some people ask.

Try this.

Live one day not caring about whats next. Care about what concerns you now. What needs to be done. let what does not matter slide. And let everything else... drop into your lap.

woooooo! I FOUND A COMMENT SYSTEM THAT ACTUALY WORKS! YEAH BABY!

This is great! Now people can comment on my random, boring, everyday thoughts!

Oh yeah, movin' on up.

testing a comment system.

Man, the people you know have the oddest problems. I dunno why i sit and listen to anyone, or sit and talk, and just dump and be dumped on, but i do. Its all stuff you'll never really worry about from thier end, and stuff you'll get through on your own end. So why do it? Because it feels good i suppose.

I recently talked with two individuals, each seperately, about thier relationship problems. One was in thier 20s, and the other in thier mid teens. both came to the same general conclusion, as i sat and heard them, despite two different positions and situations; this is confusing.

Then why do we try and figure it out?

I havea theory. Its the Drop In Your Lap theory. Why try and seek out relationships, or anything at all, for that matter? Just let things happen to you. There are enough people looking, that they will find you, and save you the time and effort. You sort of have to play it by ear, and the theory is much deeper than that, but it works. believe me.


Forgive this rant; its completely random and make no sense. its full of bugs. i should shut up now.


*Wanders off*

My very close freind, Rachel, is trying desperately to set up an account on this web site. it is quite amusing :)


if i can get permission from her, i will post her Blog for you to see.

Check out my Artist Blog at Leaking From the Schell: The Artist Drain

Perhaps one of these days i will re-format this page to my liking, with all sortfs of nifty stuff, but i doubt it will happen soon. Be sure to check out my art at s1dc.deviantart.com.

This is my first post in the Blog. This blog will be my venting space (more or less). As much as i can say without getting into trouble, i will. If any of you blog surfers have anything to say, please do. Enjoy the show.