The world is harsh.
Its not easy always being the bad guy, always being the one who takes the heat. Some people tell you that its not your fault, you are a great person, everything will be ok. Other people spit on you, smack you down, destroy your thoughts and dreams and faith. People scream and yell and ravage the ones they claim they love.
I hate to hear someone speak down to another. I hate when people are torn apart, told they are idiot, told they can not have what they dream about, told they are not good enough, they are average, and they will never succeed in thier endeavors. It makes me sad, and angry.
Am i a bad person?
Am i doing something wrong?
I've been trying to get on my feet, get a good job. Not some stupid, run of the mill, hundred bucks a week job. A solid job with a solid income.
The world is not an easy place to get by in.
I get pushed in all sorts of directions, and my mind screams at me to just give up. Just let go. Let them be right. Be a failure. Be a loser. Die inside.
I am just an artist. I create things. But it means nothing in a world, in a country, that revolves around money.
i hate money. I hate the walls it puts up. I hate the tranquility it destroys. I hate the power its given. I hate it stupid shallow meaning.
Why must simple things become so complicated... why is everyone so worked up about a life that is fleeting? Why do people spend hours upon days upon weeks screaming into a life that can't hear them? Whats the use? No one seems to just live anymore. just be. just get by. everyone needs more stuff and more money and better things and new experiances. Everyone forgets the simple things that make all of the good things in life better.
Love. Companionship. Trust. Peace. Devotion. Simplicity.
Things which are complicated are doomed to fail. Systems fail. Plans fail.
Look at a stone. A stone is infallible. The simplest of simple. It does everything it needs to do, and can not fail. It sits. It takes up space. It exists. You can smash it, and it just becomes more rocks proforming thier intended purpose. Exisiting.
Build a system, and any link in that system could fail. It is only a matter of time. Everything system based needs repaired, and taken care of. The more complicated, the more likely the failure.
Life should be as close to a rock as possible. Find what makes you content, and live to better experiance it. Most of all, find someone to share it with. The most terrible situations in the world are constantly survived by those who grab hold of the one they love and do not let go, no matter what.
If one person can be strong, two can be stronger.
Anyone reading this, please for gods sake remember this:
Nothing worth loving can be loved at a distance. Someone worth loving will bring a lifetime of challenges and trials, but also brings happiness and peace like nothing else in this world.
I find great peace in knowing i am loved.
Although i do not always believe i deserve it...
and some would go as far as to say i dont.
Its hard always being the bad guy.
